I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
