Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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