Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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