My friends, they love my intelligence
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
