He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
