a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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