Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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