But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
