Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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