I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
