guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
