There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
