I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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