Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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