is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And then my night got REAL pukey
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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