i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
