.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
