Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
