Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
