Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
