My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
