what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
