He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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