Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
