I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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