on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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