Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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