I'm gonna have a badass scar
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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