i think my tv is drunk
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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