so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
