she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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