This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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