She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
