it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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