so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Congratulations! We have a period
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
