We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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