I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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