Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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