why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I came so hard my ears popped.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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