that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
