all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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