wanna go halves on a baby?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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