ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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