Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
