hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
