No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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