I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
