seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
