my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
