Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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