i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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