I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
