I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize