you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
