Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Randomize
