There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
