So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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