Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
