Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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