If that was your dad, he is hot
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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