PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
