This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
