Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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