apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
