Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
