In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
