I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
