somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
