Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
