toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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