And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize