a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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