note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
