This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize