I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
